You Lost Her

You lost her.

For all you thought, you need a new place to stay,
But you did not realize that your home is where her smile is at.
You thought someone can make you happier,
But you did not realize that her laugh is what makes you the happiest.

You thought someone came to be your sun,
But you did not realize that she is your moon that lights you up in your darkest night.
You thought someone’s sweeter than her,
But you did not realize that she is the cause of your most painful toothache that’s worth suffering for.

You thought that just because someone can give you her everything, she’s better than her.
But you did not realize, she had already given the last piece of her.
And you thought that you’re already in love with someone else but you… You forgot that you’ve already given your heart to her. And that’s when you realize that she still has it.

Yes, you lost her.
But then you realized, you also lost yourself.

Words by  : Mayel Tapic
Originally posted at: Betsin-artparasites  fb page
Art By: Ruth Esther Tejano Lobo

 

 

Heartbreaks, Heartaches, Headaches : The Sound of a Broken Heart

Do you ever know how heartbreak sounds like? It’s like a missed kiss on your cheek before the alarm goes off. It sounds like the morning shower never taken. It sounds like a cooked breakfast for two taken by one. It’s sounds like the lack of voice saying your name plus the word beautiful in one sentence. They say you’d get that gut feel when a relationship is about to go down the drain.

I didn’t only had that gut feel, I have that feeling in my entire body, from the hairs on my arms, to my skin, down to my bones. The feeling of sadness seeps through my body down to my very soul. Most of the time i lay on my bed, eyes unfocused as Igazed at the ceiling, the past and the future a blank.

Waiting for that knock on the door that never really came. It was oppressive, suffocating – so quiet thatit eventually became a roar that drowned out everything else. I feel myself shrinking, like a sand castleslowly being washed away with every wave.

My mom is lecturing me while her eyes full of pity. Better days are coming she says. Days are breaking in all it’s new found glory yet, all i can think about is the past. Why didn’t you ever tell me that the foundation you taught me to stand on is made fromquicksand?

How can i ever get pass this roaring silence and numbing pain? I hope this downward spiral life will find an uphillslope soon.

© Lourdel Ludovica – everything’s gonna be alright, eventually. Hang on there my friend.

That Suicidal Thoughts – A True Story

My heartbeat slows down as I put my  life in slowmo. Fingers on my wrist trying to search for my pulse, there! found it! Contemplating on doing the biggest sin ever and fighting that urge to  slit that thin skin of my wrist.

Breath in, breath out! Chest even heavier by the moment. I closed my eyes and flashes of memories came overwhelmingly fast! Slides of familiar faces came rushing; new found friends, friends from work, friends from college, high school friends, then there’s my family. I can see them all smiling, as if telling me everything’s gonna be alright. Then childhood memories followed; saw my young self, all smiles. I was not born rich, but I was a happy kid. Where is that happy kid now? (consumed by pain changed by the harsh reality).

Eyes still close, I continued reminiscing the memories stored under my thick skull. Picked the happy ones and lingered on them. It felt great, It was like reliving my younger years, carefee and childlike. It felt beautiful. It took me some time, felt like I was in a limbo. And then I was pulled back to reality.

One thought rushed in, WILL I EVER BE MISSED WHEN I’M GONE? I’m quite sure my parents will, and the rest of my family, I supposed. And who else? I look back further, to those moments, times when I considered doing good things for others. It made me smile, I know I will be missed.