I was cleaning my room when i saw a shoe box of our memories, i wonder if we ever bump into each other again, should i ask you “do you remember how crazy we were for each other?” how i adored the natural glow in your skin and the love in your eyes every time i said your name and kissed your cheeks, that chubby cheeks, i remembered. all i ever wanted was to hold your hand every single minute of ever single day even when i was working i imagined myself holding your hands. your hands that held my lungs my bones my heart.. every piece of my living. i lived for you. remember? how i grew into you and you grew into me. remember? you were like my favorite sweater i never checked if you fit i just wore you every single day and pretended you look so good on me. remember our planned adventures? that no matter how life threatening it could be as long as there’s you and me we’d cheat death and breathe for each other. and once upon a time i use to draw one thousand maps on your back while you’re asleep and each map will lead us back home to each other but now that home smells like burning and im sill learning how not smell you in every cup of coffee and in every vanilla scented room. i still remember you when im making cheesecakes or making business plans. i still needed you to be there for me and call me when things get so cranky. but in the end you held my tears like they were salt on your wounds, promises not kept, every time i wept it’s for everything, between our first kiss and me scrapping your shattered love songs on the floor sobbing, begging please.. we got this let’s just give it one more chance. we can get through this. if you don’t believe me look at the scars i carved on my own skin to remind me that blood is nothing compared to heartbreak. but you looked at me loveless and with shotgun words you killed me there. i learned that when your heart broke faster than the speeding bullet it hurts a whole lot more than a hundred bombs exploding. and if id ever be given a chance to tell how i felt id tell you i love you and mean it for the very last time. and with and smile on my face and the love in my heart i wish you all the happiness i could never give. #letter #forgivemefordoingthis

#anniversaryfeels