Here I am in my indoor hammock, stuck at home because its raining. It couldn’t be more perfectly timed just when I’m feeling blue. So there I was watching outside as the rain pouring down. Not realizing I have been staring blankly as the drops of rain create ripples in the ground. How could this rain be beautiful yet so painful inside.
My mind was somewhere else, it was traveling back in time. To that moment when two souls crashed a shed to let the rain pass by. Two happy souls full of unspoken feelings, hopeful for better future. There, we were all smiles sharing stories of our silly childhood years trying to know each other in a deeper perspective. Laughing at how different our culture were.
The rain did stop, but not long enough it started pissing down proper hard and had to crash another shed. Poems shared, relating them to exactly what we felt; loud laughters and warm smiles, I miss those. We were just waiting for the rain to stop, we didn’t realize we were making a bitter- sweet memory.
Rain never fully stopped, it turned into tiny droplets and we had to drive back. Warm hug from my back, grasping hands in my stomach, life never been better. The warmth, it felt like home. We were cruising under the droplets of rain, running over 70kph, I never felt so happy. It was a bliss. Then there’s the silly argument involving mispronunciation and childish behaviour. It ruined everything.
Minutes of not talking, minutes to hours, the rain never stopped. And so was my sadness. Morning came and there you were, with me but just not the same. I was just lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, Take Me on repeat, it was a heavy feeling. Both thinking of the impending separation. Both realizing sepanx was real. Now spoken feelings trapped inside the four corners of the room, outside wasn’t any better typhoon was coming.
The last night, we were being spontaneous trying to spend as much of our time together, shared cigarette sticks, stolen kisses, messy sheets, fingers intertwined, naughty grins, cold hands on my nape, fingers playing with your hair, peck on my nose, tracing your face with my fingers, deep kisses, warm hugs, whispered I love you’s.
I blinked once and suddenly pulled back to reality. I swear it felt so real, it seems like yesterday only that it happened ages ago. I was completely zoned out, and for minutes I have been motionless. To then realise that my face is drench with tears. Its still raining, still feeling blue, you’re still not here.
Rain has never been my best friend, for a lost soul like me I dreaded rain only because it ruins plans, and it makes me stay in one place which gives me massive time to think. But rain as I previously stated, is both beautiful and depressing. And as much as I want to hate rain, I just can’t because it reminds me of those beautiful moments with you. No matter how bitter-sweet those memories were, no matter how many tears I cried remembering those times. Those were my precious moments with you, our moments together, they will forever be cherished.
We love each other that’s for sure, may be just not the kind of love that is strong enough to move mountains. Just may be not the right amount of love. But I’ve been missing you, I am missing you, I will be missing you. And yano I love you.