Heartbreaks, Heartaches, Headaches : The Sound of a Broken Heart

Do you ever know how heartbreak sounds like? It’s like a missed kiss on your cheek before the alarm goes off. It sounds like the morning shower never taken. It sounds like a cooked breakfast for two taken by one. It’s sounds like the lack of voice saying your name plus the word beautiful in one sentence. They say you’d get that gut feel when a relationship is about to go down the drain.

I didn’t only had that gut feel, I have that feeling in my entire body, from the hairs on my arms, to my skin, down to my bones. The feeling of sadness seeps through my body down to my very soul. Most of the time i lay on my bed, eyes unfocused as Igazed at the ceiling, the past and the future a blank.

Waiting for that knock on the door that never really came. It was oppressive, suffocating – so quiet thatit eventually became a roar that drowned out everything else. I feel myself shrinking, like a sand castleslowly being washed away with every wave.

My mom is lecturing me while her eyes full of pity. Better days are coming she says. Days are breaking in all it’s new found glory yet, all i can think about is the past. Why didn’t you ever tell me that the foundation you taught me to stand on is made fromquicksand?

How can i ever get pass this roaring silence and numbing pain? I hope this downward spiral life will find an uphillslope soon.

© Lourdel Ludovica – everything’s gonna be alright, eventually. Hang on there my friend.

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That Suicidal Thoughts – A True Story

My heartbeat slows down as I put my  life in slowmo. Fingers on my wrist trying to search for my pulse, there! found it! Contemplating on doing the biggest sin ever and fighting that urge to  slit that thin skin of my wrist.

Breath in, breath out! Chest even heavier by the moment. I closed my eyes and flashes of memories came overwhelmingly fast! Slides of familiar faces came rushing; new found friends, friends from work, friends from college, high school friends, then there’s my family. I can see them all smiling, as if telling me everything’s gonna be alright. Then childhood memories followed; saw my young self, all smiles. I was not born rich, but I was a happy kid. Where is that happy kid now? (consumed by pain changed by the harsh reality).

Eyes still close, I continued reminiscing the memories stored under my thick skull. Picked the happy ones and lingered on them. It felt great, It was like reliving my younger years, carefee and childlike. It felt beautiful. It took me some time, felt like I was in a limbo. And then I was pulled back to reality.

One thought rushed in, WILL I EVER BE MISSED WHEN I’M GONE? I’m quite sure my parents will, and the rest of my family, I supposed. And who else? I look back further, to those moments, times when I considered doing good things for others. It made me smile, I know I will be missed.

 

Song Review : Getting a Deeper Meaning to the Song “Into the Blue” by Sarah Jackson-Holman

Artist : Sara Jackson-Holman
Song : Into The Blue
Album : When You Dream

If only if only I coulda been yours
Been your rapport and yours to adore
If only if only I would’ve said yes
Forgotten the rest oh I could’ve said yes
If only if only you’d ask me again
I’d give you my hand
Let you take me
across the sand

Into the blue
And faded world of my daydreams
I feel I’m falling deeper everyday
Melting away down a dark and endless abyss
I’m grasping at straws and I’m chasing the wind
As I fall on my face over and over again
If only if only I had the luxury of retrospect
Sounds like you’re speaking some sort of foreign dialect
If only something precious as time had a price
Instead of endlessly taking its toll on my soul
Oh so many if onlys running through my mind
What ifs and storybook endings time after time
If only if only you coulda been mine
I’d take you

Into the blue
And faded world of my daydreams
I feel I’m falling deeper everyday
Melting away down a dark and endless abyss
I’m grasping at straws and I’m chasing the wind
As I fall on my face over and over

Into the blue
And faded world of my daydreams
I feel I’m falling deeper everyday
Melting away down a dark and endless abyss
I’m grasping at straws and I’m chasing the world
As I fall on my face over and over again

Meaning to the Song- Come Back To Me By David Cook

Come Back To me by David Cook

You say you gotta go and find yourself 
You say that you’re becoming someone else
Don’t recognize the face in the mirror
Looking back at you

You say you’re leaving
As you look away
I know theres really nothin left to say
Just know i’m here
Whenever you need me
I’ll wait for you

So i’ll let you go
I’ll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you
come back to me

Take your time i wont go anywhere
Picture you with the wind in your hair
I’ll keep your things right where you left them
I’ll be here for you

Oh and i’ll let you go
I’ll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
And i hope you find everything that you need
I’ll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me

I can’t get close if your not there
I can’t get inside if theres no soul to bear
I can’t fix you i can’t save you
Its something you have to do

So i’ll let you go
I’ll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me
Come back to me

So i’ll let you go
I’ll set you free
And when you see what you need to see
When you find you come back to me

And i hope you find everything that you need
I’ll be right here waiting to see
You find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me
When you find you come back to me

  Open Letter/ Story To Someone Who Used to be Very Close To Me : It is Never Too Late

First Drafted : May17, 2014

Letter:
They say “Friends give us courage to lift the blinds on our hearts. To open up and show what we generally keep hidden from the rest of the world”… So true indeed, and in my case you’re one of this so called “FRIEND”. You are someone whom I can relate to and be myself. You throw no judgements towards me, you listen then you understand. You forgive and then you forget. You are one of those people with a very childlike soul, kind generous heart, and the most selfless person I’ve known in my entire life. And for this I am always very grateful that in this life time i came across your path. I got the chance to know you and be your friend, Shared laughters and tears with you, most especially shared happy memories with you.
 I have always been vocal how Thankful i am for your friendship, and so today I will tell you once more. Thank you so much “Pretty Sis” *wink-wink* for everything you’ve done for me. For all the memories we have experience (both happy-sad).

Story:

Never did I expect to meet someone so caring, sharing, loving and kind-hearted. I know I don’t deserve to be his friend (kay evil ra kaayo ko), but somehow we clicked and at this moment I am certain that we will be good friends till infinity. I know I’ve always been a b!*ch to him for quite awhile, treating him like $h*!, but he never did put any grudges in me. He’s still that kind-hearted person I met since day one. And so for his birthday I would like to acknowledge his presence and how much he touched my heart life in more ways than one. To Nikki, this is my shout-out to you and Happy Birthday I Love You.

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with nikki taken at Camotes Island April 12, 2013

First, I would like to look back to that day we first met. I was applying for a job at a company he’s working as a Human Resource Personnel. He facilitated my preliminary exam and my initial interview, and he looked very young to be working at that company and to be facilitating the said application process. But he was very formal and I knew he meant business. Eventually, I got hired and two years after I am still working at the same company. I must admit though, I can’t remember vividly the exact moment when we first hit it off and started being real good friends. What I am sure of was that it all started over a bottle of Red Horse beer. I can remember going out with him and our other colleague after work to drink a bottle of beer. But instead of having one bottle, we ended up drinking one bucket while singing on the karaoke. From there we became drinking buddies and started spending a lot of time together (mostly drinking beer). I do think, I was his bad influence that time. But I didn’t really care coz I know we’re both having a good time. And after hearing his life stories and struggles, I know he deserved to have a break and just be free.

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taking a break a busy Sinulog night

It was February 15, 2013 (Friday) when I introduced him to my best friend – Yami. Nikki and I, with our boss were hanging out at my place when I invited Yami over so she can hang with us. They instantly became friends, they hit it off that fast. We were uber drunk so they spent the night at my place. I remember the next day, Nikki left his phone in the cab still groggy from last night’s drinking session. Since then we became really close friends (The three of us). As we are officemates, we usually plan our night-out and just inform Yami the details and all.

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Sinulog 2013 with our boss at Cebu, IT Park

We really did spend most of our time together. Every working day at the office, and then during weekends. We always hangout either just the two of us or with our boss and yami.

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taking some well deserved timeout Sinulog 2014

What I really like about him is that I can tell him everything, anything at all. He just listens without any judgements. He knows all my secrets and he shared some of his secret.  Whenever we’re together, anything is possible. And although he has this fear of riding on a boat, and ship, or sharks and other sea creatures, (literally anything that’s related to sea), he still accompany me to my all my trips. He’s brave, I hope he know’s that he is.

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yeah, we kinda love the beach and we used to love to travel together, not anymore

Taken at Camotes Island, Santiago Bay Garden & Resort
We’ve been to a lot of adventures together; to Danasan where he experienced riding an ATV, we climbed Osmena Peak in Mantalongon, Dalaguete. We went to Camotes to celebrate Yami’s birthday. We went to Siquijor to celebrate something special, tour around the island riding on a motorcycle. We crossed the waters of Bogo City and went to Capitancillo Islet. We did an outreach event in Daanbantayan in the midst of the calamity brought by typhoon Haiyan. Went to Oslob together with our officemate to swim with the Whale Shark and went straight to Sumilon Island. Went back to Oslob to visit Tumalog Falls. We were even together during our company’s summer outing – island hopping. We experience these things together, we shared moments no one can take away from us. Together we made both our lives fun-filled and with purpose.

Final Draft : May 17, 2015

I did mention a year too late right? I’m not only talking about figuratively but also in the truest meaning of the word “too late”. Too late because as much as I am ashamed to admit it, we had indeed went our separate ways. And this letter won’t mean a thing anymore, nevertheless, I am publishing this letter to put all my cards down in the table and clean my conscience after this I can move on and start anew. And in the years to come and I get older, I would look back to this article and reminisce all our memories together. Coz what really matters to me are the memories we spent together, the experiences, the laughters, the moments.

Never too late to post this article, I suppose. Now I am feeling lazy to proofread this.

It’s All About Love

Every time that you are close to me,
I lose control of my sanity.
Every night, Every day,
And every word that you say,
Is like a spell that carries me away.

When I’m with you it feels so right,
Especially those times when you hold me tight.
Thinking about you keeps me up all night,
It drives me crazy when you’re out of sight.

Longer than the poem will rhyme,
My love for you will burn until the end of time.
Just like the air that I breathe, you fill me up inside.
You give all that I need.

Every time I hear your name,
It takes away my worries and pains.
You’re all I ever longed for yes it’s true.
Things may come and go, but believe me…

I LOVE YOU!!!

Photo Credit to: gotomarketguy.com

 

Kalanggaman Island : Travel Guide to Spectacular Island of Palompon, Leyte

dsc_0235This is Palompon’s paradise.  Kalanggaman is considered the most beautiful beach  the province of Leyte has to offer.  The postcard-perfect virgin island with its powder white sand, clear waters, and cool breeze is certainly a virtual place very close to heaven.

What makes this island unique from others is its long sandbars that are stretching on both sides of the island.   The one hour boat ride to the island may be a bit challenging bur it is all worth it when you finally set foot on this paradise. If you want to forget your troubles for a  day or if   you want to have a quick getaway with your loved ones, Kalanggaman is definitely the place to go. – www.palompon-leyte.gov.ph

Kalanggaman Island, One of the many islands in the Philippines, with the whitest sand you’ve ever seen, surrounded by crystal clear waters. You can read a good book without many people kicking sand on your face, you can take amazing photographs all day long,

April of 2015, my friends & I decided to explore Kalanggaman Island for a weekend. We started our journey at Cebu North Bus Terminal, from there we ride on a bus to Maya, Daanbantayan. by the time we arrived in Maya port, our rented boat was already waiting for us. Luckily, I was able to find a group of people who are going to the same island, on a same date. I contacted them and decided to share the boat rental fee, making it a more budget-friendly travel for us.

checkout below to know the details of our trip;
>> Itineray
>> How to get there
>> Suggested budget
>> Things to bring

When  we visited Kalanggaman Island, we were very lucky to have found a group of people who were willing to tag along with us. But that doesn’t end there. They’re a group of people who are very experienced in camping, They took care of our meals during our entire stay. Brought pre-cooked “chicken-pork adobo” & pre-marinated meat (chicken & pork) and the taste of our food was exceptional. I am very thankful for those people, a special thank is in order for my friend Alik for tagging them along.

Take note:
>> There is no energy supply in the island, so bring as many                             powerbank as you could if your planning to stay for a while.
>> They do have solar-powered light attached on the post all over              the island, it’s not totally dark when the sun’s out.
>> They do have mini store, they sell water, softdrinks, and liquor              but very expensive. Better if you bring your own.
>> There is no snorkel rentals, good thing we brought our own gears.
>> They do have standup paddleboard for rent, as well as kayaks.

Kalanggaman Island Getaway: April 18-19, 2015

Itineray – Day 01 : April 18 (Saturday)
3:30am – Meet up at Cebu North Terminal
4:00am – Departure from terminal to Daanbantayan
8:00am – Arrival in Old Maya Port, Daanbantayan
8:10am – Arrival in New Maya Port
9:30am – Departure for Maya port to Kalanggaman Island
11:30am – Arrival in Kalanggaman Island
– Put up tents, arrange things, prep for lunch
1:00pm – Beach bumming, Beach life, Beach lust, snorkeling
5:00pm – Prepare dinner(rice & bbq)
5:30pm – Dinner time
6:00pm – Chill time, music trip, inom with ze friends
2:00am – It’s a wrap! Sleep time.
Itinerary – Day 02 – April 19 (Sunday)
6:30am – wake up call (sunrise)
7:00am – Prepare breakfast/ eat breakfast
8:00am – Beach bumming (again!), beach life, snorkel
12:00nm – Prepare for departure
1:00pm – Departure from Kalanggaman Island to Maya Port
2:45pm – Arrival in New Maya Port
3:00pm – Departure to Cebu City via Ceres bus
7:30pm – Arrival in Cebu North Bus Terminal

How to get there from Cebu City;
>>Catch a bus at North Bus Terminal – there are different ways to go to Kalanggaman Island, but I chose the less risky one. You can either buy a ticket in one of the shipping lines in Cebu that travels to Palompon Leyte, from there you can rent a boat to Kalanggaman. Or land trip to northern part of Cebu via Ceres Bus to Maya Port, which I am kinda familiar.

>>Choose the bus with a signed board that says ” Maya Port” – make sure to ask for the destination of the bus you are about to take. You can choose from ordinary or air-conditioned bus.

>> Ride a motorcycle to New Maya Port – Usually, the boat thats gonna take you to Kalanggaman is docked in Maya New Port, specially when the it’s low tide. You can ride a motorcycle to the new port, approximately 5minutes ride for a cost of Php20.

>> Rent a boat to Kalanggaman Island & vice versa – you should reserve a boat that will take you to Kalanggaman Island from Maya Port  & vice versa. You can contact Kuya Randel  at 09158516135. The boat rental costs Php7000 good for 20 pax & Php150 per excess person (rate for overnight stay).

>> Boat trip to Kalanggaman Island – the trip usually takes approximately 1-2 hours  depending on the waves.

>> Bus trip & fare – the trip usually lasts 4-5hrs, depending on the traffic, I recommend you travel as early as 3am to get rid of the traffic. The earlier you will arrive in your destination, the longer you spend a relaxing day at the island. Php 180 bus fare (air-conditioned).

How much would it cost you: (Suggested budget)
Php 180/ pax : Bus fare Cebu to Old Maya Port (aircon)
Php 20/ pax : motor ride to New Maya Port
Php 360/ pax : Boat rental Maya – Kalanggaman (vice versa)
Php7000/ 20 pax,  Php 150/ pax for excess person
Php 225/ pax : Kalanggaman Island entrance fee
Php 400/ pax : Food, drinks, & meat
Php 180/ pax : Bus fare New Maya Port to Cebu Terminal
php 1400/ pax : Suggested budget (good for 22 people)

Things to bring:
* Tent                                          

* Sleeping bag
* Sweater
* Speaker
* Towel
* Powerbank
* Portable Light
* GOPRO
* Pre-marinated meat (Pork & chicken)
* Spoon & fork
* Sun block lotion
* Snorkel
* Butane Stove
* 1liter H20/ pax (personal supply)

Checkout Kalanggaman Island – facebook page for more details. or read more articles from my fellow bloggers:
tripadvisot – Philippines
www.sea-explorer.com
www.outoftownblog.com
www.mikelaagan.com – The Traveling Panda
www.pinoyadventurista.com

 Taken before we travel to Kalanggaman Island,  I believe it was safe enough to travel by boat, the sky is clear and the sea so calm
Taken before we travel to Kalanggaman Island, I believe it was safe enough to travel by boat, the sky is clear and the sea so calm. A good day to travel.
Goofing around with my bestfriend, clearly we had an awaesome time under the sun, we were not even in Kalanggaman when we took this photo
Goofing around with my bestfriend, clearly we had an awaesome time under the sun, we were not even in Kalanggaman when we took this photo. We just love to take photos as we travel.
Our excitement were doubled as we started to see the white-sand island from afar. A perfect photo moment.
Our excitement were doubled as we started to see the white-sand island from afar. A perfect photo moment. And we just can’t hide our big smiles.
A lot of people gathered by the shore to witness the amazing sunset
A lot of people gathered by the shore to witness the amazing sunset, did not get disappointed by the beautiful sunset.
 Trying to be wacky as we wait for the sun to set. Breathtaking background, and awesome friends
Trying to be wacky as we wait for the sun to set. Breathtaking background, and awesome friends. A moment worth cherishing.
Day 1 - minutes after our boat docked by the shore, we couldn't help but to capture the moment.
Day 1 – minutes after our boat docked by the shore, we couldn’t help but capture the moment. We were all excited and can’t wait for our beach living.
Taken at Old Maya port before we board to our boat, it was a very good day to travel, clear sky, calm see
Taken at Old Maya port before we board to our boat, it was a very good day to travel, clear sky, calm see.
My bestfriend and I, taking a souvenir photo together with the Kalanggaman Island landmark
My bestfriend and I, taking a souvenir photo together with the Kalanggaman Island landmark.
Of course, my trip wouldn't be complete if I won't take a selfie shot with the picture-perfect white sandbar. The most beautiful part of the island
Of course, my trip wouldn’t be complete if I won’t take a selfie shot with the picture-perfect white sandbar. The most beautiful part of the island
Underwater shots, more selfie photos, the water is just so clear and the sand - so  white.
Underwater shots, more selfie photos, the water is just so clear and the sand – so white.

I can’t help but admire the beauty of Kalanggaman Island as it slowly getting smaller. As I bid farewell to that spectacular island, I promised myself that soon again, I shall return. By then I guess, I am to stay a little bit longer. For I fell in love with the island, the white sand beach, the clear blue water, the perfect sunset, and the lovely sandbar. Indeed, Kalanggaman is a spectacular island.

Life. Thoughts. Experience. Poems…

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