Here I am in my indoor hammock, stuck at home because it’s raining. It couldn’t be more perfectly timed just when I’m feeling blue. So there I was watching droplets of rain as they create ripples on the ground. Not realizing I have been staring blankly at the pouring rain. How could this rain be so beautiful yet so painful inside.
My mind was somewhere else. It was traveling back in time. To that moment when two souls crashed a shed to let the rain pass by. Two happy souls full of unspoken feelings, hopeful for better future. There, we were all smiles sharing stories of our silly childhood years trying to know each other in a deeper perspective. Laughing at how different our culture are.
The rain did stop, but not long enough it started pissing down proper hard and had to crash another shed. Read poems that relates to what we exactly feel; loud laughters and warm smiles, beautiful penetrating stares, I miss those. We were just waiting for the rain to stop, we didn’t realize we were making a bitter- sweet memory then.
Rain never fully stopped, it turned into tiny droplets and we had to drive back. Warm hug from my back, grasping hands on my stomach, life never been this better. The warmth, it felt like home. We were cruising under the droplets of rain, running over 70kph, I never felt so happy. It was a bliss. Then the silly argument involving mispronunciation and childish behaviour. It ruined everything.
Minutes of not talking, minutes turned hours and the rain never stopped. And so was my sadness. Morning came and there you were, with me but just not the same. We were just lying in bed, heart beats in unison, staring blankly at the ceiling, not breaking the mood, as we listened to Take Me on repeat, it was a heavy feeling. Both thinking of the impending separation. Both realizing sepanx was real. Now spoken feelings trapped inside the four corners of the room, trying to break havoc. outside wasn’t any better typhoon was inevitable.
The last night together…
We were being spontaneous trying to spend as much time together as we could, shared cigarette sticks, stolen kisses, secret glances, hammock shenanigans, messy sheets, hint of tequila on your tongue, fingers intertwined, naughty grins, heartfelt giggles, cold hands on my nape, lingering touches, warm breathes, fingers playing with your hair, peck on the nose, fingers tracing your face, natural scent, deep kisses, warm hugs, palpitations, soft whispers – I love you’s. It was heaven on earth!
I blinked once and suddenly pulled back to reality. I swear it felt so real, it all seemed like yesterday only that it was ages ago. I completely zoned out, and for a couple of minutes I am immobile. To then realise that my face is drench with tears. Its still raining, I’m still feeling blue, you’re still not here. I sobbed.
Rain has never been my best friend, for a lost soul like me I dreaded rain only because it ruins plans, and it makes me stay in one place which gives me massive time to think. But rain as previously implied, is both beautiful and depressing. And as much as I want to hate it, I just can’t cause it reminds me of those lovely moments with you. No matter how bitter-sweet those memories were, no matter how much tears I cried every time I look back to it. Those were my precious moments with you, our moments together, we were happy, ecstatic even. We were in love, but just not meant to be.
We love each other that’s for sure, Just may be not the right amount of love. Just may be not the kind of love that is strong enough to move mountains. But I miss you, been missing you, will be missing you, and yano I love you.