My heartbeat slows down as I put my life in slowmo. Fingers on my wrist trying to search for my pulse, there! found it! Contemplating on doing the biggest sin ever and fighting that urge to slit that thin skin of my wrist.
Breath in, breath out! Chest even heavier by the moment. I closed my eyes and flashes of memories came overwhelmingly fast! Slides of familiar faces came rushing; new found friends, friends from work, friends from college, high school friends, then there’s my family. I can see them all smiling, as if telling me everything’s gonna be alright. Then childhood memories followed; saw my young self, all smiles. I was not born rich, but I was a happy kid. Where is that happy kid now? (consumed by pain changed by the harsh reality).
Eyes still close, I continued reminiscing the memories stored under my thick skull. Picked the happy ones and lingered on them. It felt great, It was like reliving my younger years, carefee and childlike. It felt beautiful. It took me some time, felt like I was in a limbo. And then I was pulled back to reality.
One thought rushed in, WILL I EVER BE MISSED WHEN I’M GONE? I’m quite sure my parents will, and the rest of my family, I supposed. And who else? I look back further, to those moments, times when I considered doing good things for others. It made me smile, I know I will be missed.
One thought on “That Suicidal Thoughts – A True Story”
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