Category: Feelings

A Thank You Note: For You With Love

Created a new YouTube channel for my travel videos – Girls On Global Adventures , Check it out! I post new videos weekly. I am currently traveling through Southeast Asia.

December 31, 2017 (11:59PM)

A thank you note for someone dear from someone awesome. With overflowing love, admiration, and pocket full of hope for better 2018…

Before this year ends for me in this part of the world, I just wanna say thank you for coming into my life. In a very short time you manage to creep into my heart, and stay in it, which made you a vital part of my life. I may have known you for just over a month but it seems like I’ve known you my whole life. And each day that we’re apart is like years to me. How could time be so fast when we were together, and move too slow when we’re apart. I miss you so much, it hurts. I miss the comfort of your hugs that feels like home. I miss the taste of your lips when it touches mine. I miss your gentle touch, your soft skin. I miss the sound of your laugh, and the happiness it makes me feel when Im the reason of it. I miss staring into your eyes and seeing my future in it. But what I miss most is the me when I’m with you, and the moments when we were together.

I can still remember the first time I laid my eyes on you, how you look so pretty even when you were so sweaty. I remember how I was dumbfounded when I heard your voice. I remember feeling awful when you told me any normal person would wait for someone at the door rather than sitting comfortably inside, I remember laughing at you when you talked how you walked to and fro just to look for the cafe. I remember acting so composed while deep inside i felt so worried if you would like me too. I remember the first time I touched your arms when we were walking making it so subtle not to make you uncomfortable. I remember the first laugh we shared over the word “subjack”. I remember how anxious I was while playing pool with you. I remember our time at the bar. I remember how I tried so hard not to kiss you, but gave in eventually. I remember our first night at the hotel, and how embarrassed i was morning after for bring you into that hotel but dont regret doing it. I remember our laughs in Bohol, our first ride, our story telling under the shed whilst waiting for the rain to stop. I remember every moment together like it was facking yesterday. I fucking miss US, and although we are apart right now, the thought of us seeing each other this 2018 keeps me hoping for even bigger year for us. So please lets be strong together, we will be fine. We should be fine. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for being the highlight of my 2017. I love you so much, 2018 gonna be better.

So much to be thankful for the year that has been and a lot to look forward to for 2018, it’s going to be epic.

A Poem: My Beautiful Disaster

Created a new YouTube channel for my travel videos – Girls On Global Adventures , Check it out! I post new videos weekly. I am currently traveling through Southeast Asia.

You came out of the blue
Now I am stuck like glue.
You make me smile unconsciously,
Now my feelings is growing unstoppably.

You give me reason to look forward to tomorrow,
It seems like my heart is stricken with an arrow.
At times I don’t know what to say,
All I know is I want you to stay.

Your voice gives me natural high,
And all I can do is sigh.
You make my mind go wander,
And often times I wonder.

How could you make my heart leap,
Even when you’re soundly asleep.
And be so pretty with your chubby cheeks,
And your lovely smile that’s so meek.

Now I don’t have control over things,
Causing my mind to overthink.
My heart is saying linger to the feeling,
But my head’s telling me destruction is where I’m heading.

For The YOU Who Loves HER & The ME That Loves YOU

Created a new YouTube channel for my travel videos – Girls On Global Adventures , Check it out! I post new videos weekly. I am currently traveling through Southeast Asia.

Do you have any idea how much I love you? I bet you don’t because while I was busy loving you, you were silently still loving her.

I was stupid, was blinded by the strong emotion I felt for you. I was once again DOOMED! But it was okay, cause I was hopeful and hope springs eternal they say. I hoped my effort will eventually pay off, but it didn’t. Cause at the end, you chose her and you left me broken. It was devastating, it ruined me. I thought I have mastered the art of moving on but I was wrong. The heartache seemed vaguely familiar and again I started my healing process. In every process, there are certain stages you have to go through and they are always hard and draining. The pain was excruciating, it was as if my heart was stabbed over and over again. The hurt demanded my attention it wrapped my whole being for months, it sucked the life out of me.

My stubborn self just won’t stop, months passed but I would still find myself wishing for you to come back, but to no avail, because you love her. And when it’s the love you don’t have any control over it, I can’t blame you I can only blame myself. I used to stay up all night and just stare blankly at the ceiling wondering what could have been but I’m done with it now. Done with denial, anger, bargaining, depression and I am down to my last stage, acceptance.

Truth be told sometimes I’d rather sleep than stay awake, cause in my dreams there’s still ME and YOU. In my dreams, I am your one and only, not just the third party. There, I see your smiles that are only meant for me. There, I can still feel your touch, fingers intertwined, and your warm lips on mine. But now on heavy heart, I must let go, so I can finally be set free from the prison cell that I put myself into when I started loving you. Now what is left of me is the memories of what used to be and what it taught me.

For the ME that loves YOU, I will wait for the day when your scent wears off when the bruise heals, and my shattered heart starts to beat again.

And for the YOU who loves HER, be happy because that is what I’ve always wanted you to be, even if it’s not with me.

Memories Of You

I was cleaning my room when i saw a shoe box of our memories, i wonder if we ever bump into each other again, should i ask you “do you remember how crazy we were for each other?” how i adored the natural glow in your skin and the love in your eyes every time i said your name and kissed your cheeks, that chubby cheeks, i remembered. all i ever wanted was to hold your hand every single minute of ever single day even when i was working i imagined myself holding your hands. your hands that held my lungs my bones my heart.. every piece of my living. i lived for you. remember? how i grew into you and you grew into me. remember? you were like my favorite sweater i never checked if you fit i just wore you every single day and pretended you look so good on me. remember our planned adventures? that no matter how life threatening it could be as long as there’s you and me we’d cheat death and breathe for each other. and once upon a time i use to draw one thousand maps on your back while you’re asleep and each map will lead us back home to each other but now that home smells like burning and im sill learning how not smell you in every cup of coffee and in every vanilla scented room. i still remember you when im making cheesecakes or making business plans. i still needed you to be there for me and call me when things get so cranky. but in the end you held my tears like they were salt on your wounds, promises not kept, every time i wept it’s for everything, between our first kiss and me scrapping your shattered love songs on the floor sobbing, begging please.. we got this let’s just give it one more chance. we can get through this. if you don’t believe me look at the scars i carved on my own skin to remind me that blood is nothing compared to heartbreak. but you looked at me loveless and with shotgun words you killed me there. i learned that when your heart broke faster than the speeding bullet it hurts a whole lot more than a hundred bombs exploding. and if id ever be given a chance to tell how i felt id tell you i love you and mean it for the very last time. and with and smile on my face and the love in my heart i wish you all the happiness i could never give. #letter #forgivemefordoingthis

#anniversaryfeels

An Open Letter To My Ex: This Is How Hurt I Was When You Left

Created a new YouTube channel for my travel videos – Girls On Global Adventures , Check it out! I post new videos weekly. I am currently traveling through Southeast Asia.

What you did to me – is something I did not expect from you. All I ever did is love you. I prioritized your happiness over mine; even over to my family. I gave you my full attention, but all those years I am just a decoration in your life, a hidden secret. Because I loved you too much over the span of 3 years. It was a life of constant pain but it was okay coz I love you. And the pain of losing you is unbearable compared to the physical and emotional pain you’ve caused every now and again.

But the one time that I caused you too much pain you use it against me, You probably made it the reason for you to think its okay to seek comfort from other people. Or maybe that’s what you’ve been telling yourself, that it’s okay to move on from me coz I’ve caused too much pain. That was 1 time, I thought we were stronger than that, i had faith in our relationship. You used to tell me you’re not that kind of person who gets into relationship that easily after previous relationship, I trusted your words.. I trusted you.

But clearly that’s not the case anymore because now you’re with someone else. And while you’re happy with that person, I am here trying to salvage the pieces of my broken heart. I am here crying myself over someone that doesn’t deserve my tears. You told me to be happy, if it was very easy to be happy after what you did I would have chosen to be just that. But it’s very difficult, because the pain is overwhelming and it is what I’ve been feeling for the past 3weeks. And yes you told me it’ll be easier for me to get over you because I have new set of friends, I hope it’s that easy but who am I kidding. But that’s what you’ve been telling yourself right? To make you feel better, that I’ve got them so I should be fine. What else have you been telling yourself to justify your actions? To free yourself from guilt? That I have changed? Is that makes you feel okay of what you are doing to me right now? That I have somebody else in my life too? You know me better than that. And I wouldn’t be this hurt and angry if indeed I have somebody else in my life.

But keep on telling yourself that, to make you feel good. Because thats what you always do, and you’re very good at it — being selfish. Good luck to both of you, good luck to your future because unless you’ll change your attitude towards people, your personality, the way you think. You will always end up unsatisfied and unhappy. So enjoy the moment while that person doesn’t know the real you, because the moment that’s person discover who you really are, that person will realize how sickening you are. That beneath that facade you perfectly put up, is a rotten individual. Because you value other people’s opinion more than the people that matters.

I have to hand it to you though, you’re one gutsy person. You even blocked me. D’you think I will run after you this time? After what you did? My friends are right, it’s better to get rid of the toxic people in my life as early as now, and I really think my life would be better without you. I should be with people who will support me and will encourage me to do great things about my life, clearly that’s not you. Because what you’ve done all these years was pull me down. You’ve became the worst critic in my life, not the kind that gave me advice to be a better person but that one who just gave ill opinion for the sake of putting my confidence down, and it shouldn’t be like that. You were like an anchor that hindered me from moving forward. I didn’t know that before because I was blinded by my feelings, but now I can clearly see things. You are not worthy of my undying devotion. Time will come I will thank you for doing this to me, for breaking my spirit, for crashing my heart. But not today, no. Today I will bitchslap you with the truth!!

Enjoy your moment with that person because I know for sure that’s temporary, or If you’ll end up with together, well and good. Your welfare and happiness , or your image is the least of my concern now. So don’t ask me to promise something to you, because you’re not in the position of asking favors from me now. Continue looking over you’re shoulder, because people will judge you. And I won’t be there to give assurance anymore because am not obliged to make you feel better. The truth will eventually come out sooner or later and good luck! Karma is a bitch, it will catch up on you very soon. I’m so done with you now.

If anything, thanks for the 3years of being with you. It was longer than I expected it to last. You’re always be my dream come true, even when it turned out to be a nightmare. And literally, t’was hell of a ride. Thanks for the memories though it was not all bad. This is my last piece of the puzzle before I move on. Now live your life the way you wanna live it. And good riddance.

You Lost Her

You lost her.

For all you thought, you need a new place to stay,
But you did not realize that your home is where her smile is at.
You thought someone can make you happier,
But you did not realize that her laugh is what makes you the happiest.

You thought someone came to be your sun,
But you did not realize that she is your moon that lights you up in your darkest night.
You thought someone’s sweeter than her,
But you did not realize that she is the cause of your most painful toothache that’s worth suffering for.

You thought that just because someone can give you her everything, she’s better than her.
But you did not realize, she had already given the last piece of her.
And you thought that you’re already in love with someone else but you… You forgot that you’ve already given your heart to her. And that’s when you realize that she still has it.

Yes, you lost her.
But then you realized, you also lost yourself.

Words by  : Mayel Tapic
Originally posted at: Betsin-artparasites  fb page
Art By: Ruth Esther Tejano Lobo

 

 

Heartbreaks, Heartaches, Headaches : The Sound of a Broken Heart

Do you ever know how heartbreak sounds like? It’s like a missed kiss on your cheek before the alarm goes off. It sounds like the morning shower never taken. It sounds like a cooked breakfast for two taken by one. It’s sounds like the lack of voice saying your name plus the word beautiful in one sentence. They say you’d get that gut feel when a relationship is about to go down the drain.

I didn’t only had that gut feel, I have that feeling in my entire body, from the hairs on my arms, to my skin, down to my bones. The feeling of sadness seeps through my body down to my very soul. Most of the time i lay on my bed, eyes unfocused as Igazed at the ceiling, the past and the future a blank.

Waiting for that knock on the door that never really came. It was oppressive, suffocating – so quiet thatit eventually became a roar that drowned out everything else. I feel myself shrinking, like a sand castleslowly being washed away with every wave.

My mom is lecturing me while her eyes full of pity. Better days are coming she says. Days are breaking in all it’s new found glory yet, all i can think about is the past. Why didn’t you ever tell me that the foundation you taught me to stand on is made fromquicksand?

How can i ever get pass this roaring silence and numbing pain? I hope this downward spiral life will find an uphillslope soon.

© Lourdel Ludovica – everything’s gonna be alright, eventually. Hang on there my friend.

That Suicidal Thoughts – A True Story

My heartbeat slows down as I put my  life in slowmo. Fingers on my wrist trying to search for my pulse, there! found it! Contemplating on doing the biggest sin ever and fighting that urge to  slit that thin skin of my wrist.

Breath in, breath out! Chest even heavier by the moment. I closed my eyes and flashes of memories came overwhelmingly fast! Slides of familiar faces came rushing; new found friends, friends from work, friends from college, high school friends, then there’s my family. I can see them all smiling, as if telling me everything’s gonna be alright. Then childhood memories followed; saw my young self, all smiles. I was not born rich, but I was a happy kid. Where is that happy kid now? (consumed by pain changed by the harsh reality).

Eyes still close, I continued reminiscing the memories stored under my thick skull. Picked the happy ones and lingered on them. It felt great, It was like reliving my younger years, carefee and childlike. It felt beautiful. It took me some time, felt like I was in a limbo. And then I was pulled back to reality.

One thought rushed in, WILL I EVER BE MISSED WHEN I’M GONE? I’m quite sure my parents will, and the rest of my family, I supposed. And who else? I look back further, to those moments, times when I considered doing good things for others. It made me smile, I know I will be missed.

 

10 Signs Of Head Over Heels In Love

Love is a variety of feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection (“I love my mother”) to pleasure (“I loved that meal”). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.[1] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and affection—”the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another”.[2] It may also describe compassionate and affectionate actions towards other humans, one’s self or animals. – www.wikipedia.com

Love, for me is yet the most difficult term to define, to put meaning to. It is so complicated that it is better left undefined into writings, and let you put your own meaning into it. Coz in the end, what matters most is not how you define it, but how you feel it and how you put action into it. In this article, I will be listing 10 signs of being head-over-heels in love with someone and you will be the judge if you think it is healthy or it belongs to those creepy love stories:

1. When you can’t stop smiling when you think of that person – this is very common to those people who are very in love. For no reason at all, you just can’t help smiling when you think of her/his beautiful face, or the sound of her/his voice.

2. When you can’t sleep just by thinking of that person –  When you’re all alone at night, in your bed and even so, you ar still thinking of her/him. When you’re moments together keep on popping in your mind causing you to be awake more than ever.

3. When your happiness relies on her/ his happiness – it is when you exert extra effort for her/him, to the point of forgetting your own happiness. keeping in mind that her/ his happiness is your happiness. It is somehow called being selfless.

4. When you find peace of mind when you’re together – it is when you feel more at ease and calm knowing that she/ he is near you. And it seems like being with her/ him is right where you belong perfectly. You’re contented of just lying on your bed, holding her/ him close.

5. When you are uneasy when you can’t see her/ him – it feels like your day is not complete without seeing her/him. It’s like your heart is crushed into pieces.

6. When you can’t eat knowing that she/he still haven’t eaten yet – that guilt feeling you feel knowing she/he is starving and you’re  there eating yourself out. And so you decide to wait for her/ him and just eat together.

7. When you’re always uneasy when she/he is hanging-out with friends without you – when you can’t stand the thought of her/ him out with friends on a weekend and you’re left at home doing some boring stuff.

8. When you always want to know her/ his whereabouts – Creepy may it seem but you always want to know everything about her/him. From the food she/he eats, Stuff she/he does, you always wanna know her/ his move.

9. When you can’t stop staring at her/ him while she/he sleeps – even when your partner is sleeping, you watch her/his every breath. You’re amaze by the rising and falling of her/his chest as she/ he breaths. And then you think to yourself how lucky you are for having her/him in your life.

10. When all you ever text with is her/ him – you only have one single contact you text with every day, you only have one contact you call and communicate with. Your heart melts every time you receive a message from her/him, and you always gets excited when your phone rings and you find out she/he is calling.

What ever it is that you feel to your significant others, just always bear in mind, that at the end of the day, you don’t own anybody and although you’re in a relationship with her/him, you don’t get to say how they should live there lives. What you can do is to show them how you feel and hope for the best, that they would love you back.

Photo Credit to : www.dreamatico.com
Love content credit to : www.wikipedia.com