Turning my back to love, and enrolling myself to Camp Sawi🤭

This is me officially giving up on you, and I am sorry. I am sorry for myself because I have always been positive about stuff considering the circumstances. But right now I can’t anymore. I just can’t. I am sorry for myself because I feel like I am trapped in that little corner no one could escape. I am sorry for myself because I don’t think I still have an option. I am sorry for myself because this feels like it’s not meant to be.

I’ve always been a strong believer of what’s meant to be, it will be. But this one feels nothing like that, this one’s sounded like a screwed up situation right from the start. It’s funny how I lasted this long, I’m quite gutted of myself of how positive I was before and right now I am far from being one. Right now, I am the complete opposite of me when it started.

Maybe I was just blown away by your presence, by the way you made me feel when we’re together, by the way you treated me, and the way you adored me. Looking back, I couldn’t help but shed tears thinking about what could have happened if that incident didn’t happen in the first place. I could just imagine you staying, us traveling together, making memories together. The two of us living a simple life together. It could have been a happy life, a life worth living.

I tried to be strong, I swear I did. I tried to focus on the goal and be positive about things, but I just can’t anymore. Because the longer you’re there on the other side of the world, the farther I feel away from you. And the fewer the feelings you have left for me. I know it’s just me; I am too demanding, too needy, too clingy, too much of everything, really the worst. I couldn’t blame you too; you would have left just the same if you were able to witness this side of me, if you’d stayed. This brings me back to it; it’s just not meant to be.

This is really sad, it is heartbreaking. But the longer I stay the more hurt it’ll cause me, and I just can’t take it anymore. My pride is whats left of me, I’ve pushed my limit. Over time you might have changed the course of your goal of which I am not part anymore, that is sad quite frankly. I would have given up everything just to be with you, perhaps that’s not an option as well at the moment. And again it is heartbreaking.

No matter how short it was, I hope somehow I really did make an impact. And please do not forget me, I will always be the “awesome” one, not in every aspect of life but at least some part of it. I’ll get over this soon enough. But right now I love you, goodbye.

Update:

Reading through this made me somehow emotional. I had this scheduled months before, probably because I somehow knew this would come to an end. Sadly, it did. Over the days, we kissed and made up, of course, virtually. But it didn’t work out still. I guess it’s just not meant to be. Not giving up on love, though, just taking a break and giving my vulnerable heart a much-needed rest.